It’s early Saturday morning and I want to crawl back in bed. No, there are no reruns of Saved by the Bell and it’s not rainy or dark outside, but today just doesn’t feel right. I did get my laptop last night and I was indeed excited. I had professed how much I love Apple for fixing it. I should have read the fine print. That would be the print I saw this morning that said my laptop was broken beyond repair. It wasn’t my best moment. In fact I’m embarrassed that I didn’t see it until this morning. If I had a giant balloon this would be the moment I let go of it.
It’s Saturday, my pretend weekend, and I’m awake and anxious about figuring out how to finance a new computer, pay bills, and figure out why Turbo Tax has gotten so expensive. One hundred dollars to do my state and federal taxes, really?
Honestly right now I’m hitting that almost unemployed for two months wall. Yes my computer being broken and not able to be fix it is the stuff made for unrequited teenage love stories, but it is in fact only a computer, and it doesn’t love me back — yet. I have to remind myself that even when I was still employed at my last job I wouldn’t be able to afford a fancy top-of-the-line new computer. For as good as one can feel there are days of hopeless frustrations and the impending avalanche of self-doom. This is when I like to remind myself that when I had a job the sun didn’t sing to me, the sky wasn’t any brighter and the flowers didn’t teach me any lessons.
I was still ignored by the greater universe. It didn’t care that I had a job and it doesn’t care that I don’t have one. And while I care about a finding a job — life continues whether or not I choose to be a part of it. Unemployment is like the longest 80s sitcom ever. I keep waiting to return from the commercial break with a knock at my door and a surprise guest star would appear and hand me a computer. Then we can all laugh, hug it out and slowly fade from freeze frame.
