I am stuck in the wardrobe. It wasn’t war ravaged Europe or my curiosity that got me here. It was unemployment. Not going to lie there are some days where it’s great. Riding the bus when I can get a seat, hiking around the city, having early morning coffee with my friends who work later in the day — it’s all well and good when it’s a bright and shiny day but those mornings aren’t as frequent as they were week two and three of unemployment. Unfortunately I don’t have bread crumbs or Turkish delight, there is no talking faun or spiritual lion named Aslan to lead me back to employment land. I can only get myself out.
I’ve hit the I’m unemployed and made goals and stay positive but I’m getting bored, restless and frustrated with unemployment life wall. All the goals, all the routine — everything — doesn’t pay my bills or help me finance a new computer. Staying positive for the sake of my sanity is great, but having to stay positive for everyone else who keeps asking me how I’m doing is getting overwhelming.
I’m not always going to be ok. I’m not ok today. I am going nuts figuring out how to save money and pay bills while I attempt to freelance. It’s not as simple as a you can do it speech.Thoughtful, yes. But up there with the how are you doing question in the realm of things not to ask an unemployed friend. I know I can do it but sometimes the external factors like bills, rent and other annoying expenses creep in and the you can do it speech comes off more patronizing than sympathetic. Right now having someone just listen to all my anxiety would be great. I know it’s crazy and most of the JD-esq moments I’m having are far-fetched, but living in my head they are taking a virus-like grip and spreading. I really do feel bad for friends of the unemployed. We are an bunch of manic emotion-filled people with bouts of extreme humor and cynicism, or maybe that’s just me.
Part of me wonders if I hadn’t been let go would I be looking at those trapped in the wardrobe as lucky to get out or angry that they left? I didn’t have the choice. I was pushed into the wardrobe and then found it locked. Currently I’m looking for the key and then my ticket back to security. But something tells me I may have the key long before I’ll have security again.
