Being unemployed is like being on the world’s crappiest roller coaster. Your seat belt is loose and at any minute you feel like you are going to be hurdled out of your box into the universe with nothing to protect you when you hit the ground. My bad, I forget to bring my helmet when I was given my exit papers.
I don’t have a large network of unemployed friends in San Francisco and for that I’m grateful. It means the economy hasn’t completely collapsed. But it’s hard at the same time. I have trouble putting into the words emotions that I go through during the day. I don’t like being Debbie Downer when I know in the greater sense of life this is just a blip. I mean who wants to hang out with the girl that only talks about being unemployment, it’s like the girl that only makes references to The Wire.
I am for the most part very optimistic and hopeful. Looking back I know I’ve laid out goals and tactics to keep me motivated but there are days like today where I just get overwhelmed. Six months is a long job search, what do I bring that’s different, the media says it’s going to get worse — there are times when I’ve come up with so many what if scenarios that it renders me speechless. Speechless is not a word that I normally would attribute to myself.
To be honest, the speechlessness doesn’t last long. I liken it to when you fall and get hurt. As a kid, and now as an adult, I always like to touch it to see if it still hurts. I repeat this method until it stops hurting. It’s a reminder of falling and more importantly that I am usually stronger than the brief spasm of pain. So right now I’m down but I have to touch the bruise and prove it doesn’t hurt that much. Because honestly it doesn’t and usual the scar proves to be a great conversation starter.
