This morning was bitter. It’s not easy right now. I’m really worried about a lot of the balls that are in the air. So, today I reflect. I go back to thinking about high-school-theater-Rachel and her summer jobs. Yay introspective Rachel! Oh how we missed her and her self-deprecating humor. I know I did.
Once, a long time ago, there existed a SeaWorld in Ohio, and it was awesome. Nestled south of Cleveland in Aurora, Ohio, it offered a plethora of sitcom-like summer jobs for kids like me for years. I spent four summers in high school and early college dressed as Baby Shamu, Penny Penguin, and the rest of the SeaWorld cast of characters (for all intensive purposes I spent my first summer in food service). Inevitably by the end of the summer I would end up hating the nightly fireworks, REM’s Night Swimming tied in an epic fashion to Shamu’s night show and the smell of Lysol. By the start of the next summer, I would be ready for the hordes of people, crying children and moody teenagers all over again.
My favorite game during the hottest of days in the summer was playing statue. It wasn’t very complicated and it added variety and humor to the sweat that found itself dripping down my face. The game was simple: find a corner that was preferably in the air conditioned shark aquarium, if not anywhere would do, and don’t move. People come and take pictures thinking that it’s just a stuffed statue and at the right moment you move. People laugh, if you’re luck children don’t scream in horror and then you run to a new place to continue the game. I loved people watching. It was my introspective time to be alone and at the same time be surrounded by hordes of loud people.
This round of unemployment makes me feel a bit lost. It’s more under-employment than unemployment, and that makes things scarier for me. I feel like I’m in the middle of an amusement park and I’m lost. It’s loud, I’m thirsty, I need to find a bathroom and I’m out of money. I fear the entitlement I pretend that I don’t have but honestly do kids. It’s hard to separate myself from the schooling and jobs I’ve had in the past and look for answers as to this phase of my life — the test. As I struggle to find my confidence as a person who is under-employed, it’s time I took a lesson from Baby Shamu and played statue. I need to find a place, surround myself with people, and be alone at the same time. When the moments right, I’ll be able move again.
