I’m on my second full week at my new job and I have a long way to go to feel caught up and at ease. It’s only week two — no worries, kiddos, I’m not super hard on myself, yet– but I’ve been finding myself falling into the mind pit of unemployment fear. Thoughts like, why I’m not doing enough?, am I proving my worth? — the usual. It’s funny. When I was laid off, I had this inner I-am-unemployed-hear-me-roar mantra. I was above the need to live in fear. I mean, after you lose your job — what’s left to fear? You know what’s it like to live on both sides, and you realize life goes on. You have to face those nagging and unnecessarily chipper insecurities otherwise you live in your apartment eating cereal and milk out of a soggy box.
Unemployment offered me a re-boot: I could re-evaluate my life and change it. I looked to improve the things I took advantage of and had the opportunity to rebuild myself worth. Now that I’m working again, I find myself frustrated that I’m drifting back to pre-re-boot. That changes now.
One reason I started my blog was to face my insecurities head-on. That included my fears of writing, lack-of-a-job and all around self-worth tied to said job. It’s only fitting now that I work through my employment issues — all of which solely fall on me and my fear of not being good enough. So here are my employed goals.
- Blogging more often. Yes. I have been slacking and that’s going to change. I may not be recently laid off anymore, but I’m now recently re-hired. I remember what the unemployment felt like and I’m here to help if I can. I can’t thank the people who helped me enough, so if I can help anyone I’m here to do it. I will say my e-mail skills have been lacking but like Parker Lewis, I can’t lose. I’m coming back and answering those e-mails. I promise, former girl scouts honor.
- Staying on the money wagon. Whoa, look at me, good-at-life. I may have a job, but I was also laid off for a significant amount of time. I need to budget and get my finances on track. What? Everyone falls off the money wagon — even those that constantly try to stay on it. Don’t judge.
I have more goals, too, that I’ll be working on but for now these work pretty well as long-term, pro-healthy-working-life things. I’m just taking things day-by-day and remembering my unemployed-self. She was pretty feisty and had self-confidence to boot. Maybe it’s time I took that girl to work with me.
