I spent this past weekend offline. It wasn’t one of those enjoy-life-turn-off-the-computer kind of things. It was more the my-recently-married-friends-on-their-honeymoon-let-me-do-laundry-at-their-house-while-I-spent-quality-time-with-their-cats kind of things. I am now very clean. I hope it lasts but my week of free laundry is over. My bathtub may turn into my home washer again.
This past week I’ve gone back to my goal of running. It was previously side tracked by my own lazy behavior of preferring to sit in my apartment rather than enjoy the outside. So, I’ve started running again and by that I mean mostly walking. It’s incredibly frustrating to feel so out of shape. My running self is still pretty similar to my former employed self. I want to go from the not running for the past six-months to being able to run six miles non-stop and in tip-top shape ,like, right now. I’m not there. I’m not even close to being there and I ran twice this week. Thankfully I have a friend whose been my running buddy. She’s kept me in check and repeatedly says Rachel, take it slow, it’s ok to walk.
Not that I believe that but I’m trying to condition myself to let it go and be a better runner. Rather than forcing my runs, I’m really trying to focus on getting better and building-up my stamina. Learning how to run again has forced me to re-examine my own inner demons. I like be at the top immediately and get frustrated when my body and my mind aren’t where I want them to be. Whether I make excuses like its raining, I’m cold or my mind isn’t it, all are defeating statements and hinder me from growing in to a better runner and person.
For the benefits that unemployment has brought me — Franken Berry cereal, learning fiscal responsibility and life lessons — it is also forcing me to look at hard myself. The parts of me that wants to work hard but isn’t taking the steps to learn it properly. Running, like jobs, are hard work. Call it my own vision quest, except I’m not trying to defeat Shute, I’m trying to make a mark on my life. Let’s just hope it doesn’t rain this week in San Francisco.
