It’s no lazy Sunday. In fact it’s a Wednesday and while the weekend is in full sight there is nothing lazy about it. As I make my way back into full employment mode which includes my Natty Gann optimism that shines through like a depression-era orphan looking for her birth father, I just got exciting news: Two of my friends recently found employment — fist bump to Mike and Tina.
Before I get too excited and profess to the world that indeed “depression 2.0″ is over, I also got news that one close friend from college was laid off and another two SF-based friends are fearful of their possible job loss. There it is again, that terrible, no good, very bad airborne unemployment disease. One would think that the CDC would be looking for ways to eradicate it or at least affix all of the unemployed with a scarlet UE. That would make it so much easier to avoid them and keep the employed healthy and happy, no? Until we get the Laverne-and-Shirley-style-lettering, here are some of the signs of unemployment from someone having once been infected with the condition. Take caution below:
- You see it in the eyes first. Wide, open and sometimes with a bit of crazy. No worries, it’s not contagious at this point. You can fully interact with someone at this point. In fact it’s highly encouraged. Talk slowly and no sudden movements.
- Sobs mixed with laughter and the occasional high pitched grunt. Here your friend, loved one, or stranger on the bus is coming to terms with waking up tomorrow to bad TV and no job.
- Anger and guilt. Take precaution here. Not much else you can do besides listen. You won’t catch anything but look out for objects flying at your head. Wear a helmet and take cake, or if they are like me — salt.
- Perpetually optimistic and a world-class vacationer, they are living the dream or using their smart finance skills to enjoy their time off. Don’t hate.
The hardest part about the dreaded airborne unemployment disease is that there no stopping it. It comes in waves. You watch the people around you become affected. Almost worse than having it is watching the people you care about suffer. They are at grocery stores, watching movies, your next door neighbors. They even are in your family — you can’t get away from them. Stand strong, be smart, and like your mother taught you, don’t stare.
