While it’s apparently too early and annoying to have 90s nostalgia, I can’t help but think of a certain seminal film in Generation Y’s collective VCR called “Clueless.” Cher, a virgin who can’t drive, is still — to me — an American Hero.
Cher, however, had a very obvious dark side.
So rich, so pretty, and hailing from the land of Noxzema, Cher’s “main thrill in life,” according to her best friend Dionne, “is a makeover.” As you all probably remember, Tai is the recipient of said makeover. Quickly, she becomes Cher’s hell spawn, spewing harsh criticisms and even expressing romantic interest in Josh, Cher’s former stepbrother. As if.
Despite creating evil incarnate, Cher ends up with the guy, presumably figures out that Bosnia is not in the Middle East, and ends up doing generally okay.
It is commonly said that life is just a long, drawn out version of high school. We sink or swim. We all want to belong and succeed (and be better than everyone else). Sometimes, no matter how much you work, update your resume, and feel generally positive about yourself, there are instances where the ones that merely play hard somehow stay ahead of the game.
Which brings me to this chick.
Bridgetta, a non-virgin, can probably drive.
You know you’ve seen her. That’s right, the one from those late night Extenze informercials. She loves to talk about that “special part of the male anatomy.” She’s employed. I’m jealous. And this is her cover letter:
Her credentials are awesome. Bridgetta’s stunning beauty and sexy appeal has made her well known for late night infomercials as the “Extenze” girl. Yet her fan base has grown exponentially watching her adventures on the DirecTV show, “Project My World”, where Bridgetta’s escapades include skydiving over the Great Barrier Reef, racing V8 cars, jumping off Karawaru Bungy Bridge, as well as a ton of other crazy stunts. Bridgetta demonstrated her survival skills in Ted Nugent’s “WANTED: Ted or Alive, forging through the wilderness she even hunted, killing and grilling her own live chicken! Despite the chicken hunting this lovely lady is an animal lover and snake handler, whose beloved pets include a West African python, Isis, 3 dogs and a fish! Possessing Beauty and Brawn this experienced model, host, and actress, loves getting all dolled up for the camera and is the face of AXE Bodywash. The athletic brawn side of Bridgetta has taken her from being a former Britney Spears back-up dancer, Quarterback in “The Lingerie Bowl“, she even had police and pilot training, co-piloted a WWII plane! Bridgetta is also an accomplished film actress. You can also see her in “The Bronx is Burning”, “Primitive Recall”, and she stars in “ZOMBthology”, a horror film that has won 2008 Best Zombie Film at the Fright Night Film Festival.
I’m jealous of her in the same way I’m jealous of Maury and Jenny Jones.
I have new life plans. I am inspired. It’s time to make over my soul. And I finally believe I have written the best cover letter ever, thanks to Bridgetta’s technique. The opening:
“His experience is unparalleled. Scott’s blinding locks and striking beauty have made him well known in the intern world as ‘Flexy’ boy.”
