I’m just a small town girl who moved to the big city with big dreams… just to find out, the only way to make it in the big city… is to shake it. And that’s what I do — at the Coyote Ugly.
And… scene!
With today’s excess time, I found myself rediscovering a kinship with Artemis, the wayward theater gal from “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, immediately watch Artemis’ stunning monologue at the 10-minute mark and her transformation at 16:05.
Yes, Artemis is unemployed. She cries because she may be forced to go on welfare. Her rendition of Coyote Ugly speaks volumes — we are those small town kids trying to make it in the big city.
On a side note, this also makes it completely clear that lighting a bar on fire in a movie is way more exciting than it is in real life in San Francisco.
Artemis’ performance and the show itself made me think about how life can imitate art outside the confines of regional theater. Even (or especially) in the heart of Hollywood, entertainers really do have to shake it, despite predictable FAILs and critical chagrin.
Semi-embarrassing and potentially NSFW cases in point:
- Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me
- Tori Spelling in Co-Ed Call Girl
- Britney Spears in “Gimme More“
- Demi Moore in Striptease
- Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies
- Pamela Anderson in Barb Wire
- Salma Hayek in From Dusk Till Dawn
- Rebecca Romijn in Femme Fatale
- Jessica Alba in Sin City
- Elizabeth Berkley in the entirety of Showgirls
Now, I’m not trying to be Mr. Skin here. I’m also not sitting on my high horse trying to be Mr. Feminist. However, the skit in “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” does point to the trend of women trying to make it or spice up an image via shaking it.
While some of these performances are highly lauded (I’m looking at you Curtis. And you, Hayek), most are complete and utter fails like Artemis’. Some are even career killers.
Lindsay, did you really believe yourself when you said I Know Who Killed Me is like The Silence of the Lambs of your generation?… I didn’t watch the DVD commentary or anything.
Through these failures, I find solace, laughter, and gratitude. And it’s not just me — even legendary San Francisco drag queen Peaches Christ played Showgirls at the deliciously trashy Midnight Mass movie event this past weekend to an enthused audience.
Perhaps this is simply underling, bolding, and italicizing what we know and feel, which is watching these scenes make our own errors and fears comprehensible and manageable. These actresses aren’t professionals like the boys at The Nob Hill Theater or the ladies at The Condor in North Beach.
Simultaneously, it also makes me think of a time in my childhood when a Barb Wire poster was hanging in my kitchen for about two years. FAIL.
For all performers and entertainers, from regional theater to Hollywood, from my home to yours, know this: Everyone loves a good comeback.
